We Couldn't Send a Christmas Card

We couldn’t send a Christmas card,

Cause all of us were struggling.

Between transplant surgery

And doped-up kids,

Mom was really juggling.

The oldest was caught with syringes,

The middle was caught by police.

I was the only one not on drugs,

But my grades were F’s and D’s.

We tried to send a Christmas card

But we had no good news.

The competition of Happiest Family

Was one we were sure to lose.

Mom almost didn’t recover,

None of us thought she’d make it.

The girls were never by her side,

They were getting paid for being naked.

Dad almost sent a Christmas card

But it was news no one wanted to hear.

We wish you a merry Christmas,

We’ll send you a card next year.

Gray Area

I am not black or white

Because I am not one or the other

I am the girl sitting in the center of the movie theater

Laughing so hard that I shake the room

And your belly quakes with mine

But I am also the wallflower glued to

The corner of the dark bar

Sipping a vodka soda colder than

My empty stare

I am the girl that you can take home to your mother

And share my stories of the varsity dance team

And what gown I wore to prom

But I am also the bad news your mother warned you about;

The girl who smokes when she drinks

And lets you take me in the backseat of your car on our first date

I am black and white

Mixed with confidence and muddled with pride

Tinted with ambition and faded with insecurity

I am the extremes and the in betweens

I am an evenly stirred gray

With equal portions of each

But I am not black or white

(Don't) Cheat

(Stop, don’t) taunt me

(don’t) show up in that skin-tight dress you know I love

(don’t) slide into my passenger’s seat as if it’s always belonged to you

(don’t) put your hand on my thigh, and

(don’t you dare) inch it up further as I drive

(don’t) look at me with those grey-blue eyes, you know how they antagonize me

(stop) that lip-biting…

(don’t) run your nails down my back as I buy our tickets

(don’t) turn me on. (not) right here.

(don’t) slip your long, silky legs across my lap, I

(won’t) run my hands up your dress and pull you onto me

(don’t) kiss my neck

(stop, don’t) bite my neck

(don’t) feel me tighten underneath you

(don’t) let me take you to the backseat of my car

(don’t) open your body to me

(don’t) take every inch of me as I whisper in your ear how badly I’ve wanted this

(don’t) tighten your legs around my waist as the windows are drenched in fog

don’t (stop)

don’t let my girlfriend find out

815 C

I fell in love with the way your arm tensed as you slept
Like a dog's legs when they're dreaming of a chase
And the way we dozed off miles apart
Dangling off the edges
And woke up like we never separated
I fell in love with the way your hand always found the small of my back
And fit it like your old baseball glove

I fell in love with the way you always ended your sentences with my name
And the "A" at the end rolled the corners of your mouth out like the ocean surf
And the skin around your eyes creased like the waves breaking on the surface
I fell in love with the way your tongue dragged across the inside of your bottom lip as you shook your head
And your teeth came down on your lip as the sparkle in your eye bit me

I fell in love with the way you told your father about me
And how he warned you not to embarrass yourself too soon
And you already had and I fell in love with that, too
I fell in love with the way you watched me write
Grabbing my thigh until your knuckles turned white because
You were so enthralled with the words on the page
I fell in love with the way your lips introduced themselves to mine
When you realized this poem was about you

Dear Harry

 I always knew you were no good
My sister was always too shy to introduce you
But each time I saw her door closed
I knew you were there
You were always there
You held her hands and your venom flooded her veins
She was patterned with your black and blue lines of toxicity

You ruined her energy
She spent holidays, birthdays, Sundays sleeping with you
On the couch, in mom's bed, in anyone's bed
You stole her money
You stole my parents' money
You stole my money
You stole anything that could get you money

My sister was always distracted by you
You were a fireplace hearth that kept her
Cozy, sleepy, with flushed cheeks and a flushed mind
But I knew you were cold
You were always cold
You pricked her and you poisoned her and
You threw her to the ground
And you threw her away

She spent hours, days
Sleeping without you
Without food, without water, without help
On a couch
In an ambulance
In a hospital bed

Mom spent hours, days
Sleeping next to her
Tending to her
Talking to her
"Fuck him, fuck the life you had with him,
He's gone,"

My sister's gone
You pushed her and pushed her
Until her lungs filled with your abuse
And her heart took every blow
And finally gave up

You were stronger than her
You knew that
You always knew that
You beat her till she was numb
And she liked being numb
And she chose to be numb
And now she is numb
And she always will be numb

I Was Never Good With Astronomy

You were the sun.
You were used to being alone. You thrived on loneliness.
The moment I met you, you shone brighter than anyone had before.
I had heard of you, but no one prepared me for the big, brown, Bambi eyes that looked right through me.
No one prepared me for the way you spoke, as if each word was carefully selected and then rolled around in your mind until a sentence was formed that evoked your exact thought.
No one prepared me for your delicate, bony fingers and the way they touched my skin as if my nerves were the strings of your guitar.
You were the sun, so hot, your touch so warm, and every day I pushed you to be brighter.

One day, suddenly, you set.

You were the moon.
You were never lonely. Every night you kept yourself surrounded by stars.
Each day took you further from me; each day you went through phases and I never knew which version of you was coming next.
I watched as you waned away, and one night, the sky was dark.
I was a wolf, howling to a moon I knew was there, knowing that moon could hear me, knowing further that it would not answer, that it would never answer.
It was my turn to be lonely, but I did not thrive.
I did not have stars to surround me.
I was alone. And you never were.
You were always the moon.
I was only a star that you let shine a little brighter than the rest.
But one day you didn't want to share the light anymore.